The Buck Stops Here

Okay, money scarcity Jillian. Listen to me, we need to talk.

I’m going to stop everything right now and look at you, so I’m asking you to do the same with me. We are going to end this thing right now.

First, I want you to know I hold you with love in my heart. I really do. I see your vulnerability and your fears, the way you hold yourself back and all the opportunities you’ve let pass by as a result. I see all that and I want you to know I’m holding you in my love. You are as precious as I am and worthy and beautiful and loved, even if you choose not to feel it as I do. I acknowledge your pain.

However, the thing is that you can’t run our show. You can’t - as in, truly unable to - but also you won’t - as in, not allowed. I honor your fears, but the entirety of this life I am destined for - we are destined for - does involve having faith in the unknown, stepping into the dark, and generally staying essential in the mystery.

We are asked to take risks, and honestly, I want to. Risk is a bold yes to an unimaginably delighted reality, movement into an expansion more vivid and real and powerful and FUN than we can currently perceive with our minds. Risk is the gateway to ecstatic, joyful, creative living. As a sovereign human being, I know that my birthright is MORE and that’s exactly what I want.

You know, this whole time, I’ve been wanting to take you with me, because there’s no reason you shouldn’t enjoy these fruits too. This is, after all, your destiny as much as mine. But you need to know that, at this point, I will not take all of your superfluous baggage with me - at the very least, there’s really no space on the plane for all of that, and I’m absolutely not paying your excess baggage fees for you. You may want it all, but it’s simply not something you can have on this trip if you want to come.

So, drop some of the bags or you’re not going to come. Boundaries - it’s as simple as that.

The other thing that you need to know before we leave is that you will no longer be in charge or even participating in any of the logistical planning. We can go on this trip together - and I will be very happy for your company - but as far as you’re concerned, this is my trip. My destinations, my route, my timeline, my rules.

That means that you won’t be able to make any suggestions, ask for any bathroom breaks or pit stops or detours (anyways, we’ll be flying a lot of the time, and that won’t be possible anyways), and you better pack your snacks well because we won’t be stocking up again until I’m ready to. You won’t be holding the map, or the guidebooks, or asking locals for advice, and I won’t listen to your directions at all.

I know this all might feel a bit harsh - and it’s definitely something different from how we’ve traveled together in the past - but you simply don’t have a proven track record of good decision making. When we’ve followed your lead, we’ve been sucked into self-doubt, self-pity, self-criticism, and honestly made a reactive fool of ourselves with others.

We’ve acted and been dramatic and made a lot of complaints, and stepped through a lot of moves that sometimes felt good for stretching our limbs in the moment but ultimately never really let us be ourselves. By your lead, we’ve rarely shown others our beauty and our grace, our power and, especially, our love.

We’ve slandered sweet Money, who is actually a good good friend and one of our oldest. We’ve made Them the bad guy and ourselves the one who always has an argument or struggle or complaint. We’ve tainted that relationship with aspects that were never real. We’ve built ourselves as a victim.

And I told you before. I do get it. I recognize why and how and where. But honestly, this act has gotten so boring. It brings me no more joy and no more stimulation, and with every passing occasion you keep it up, I find you more and more obnoxious. I won’t say grow up - be playful, have a childlike sense of wonder, please! - but damn, if we’re playing games, let’s play a new one!

Most importantly, all of these things you’ve brought us to and led us to experience, for all your reasons, they’re still not us. For all your worrying, I know you can acknowledge the importance of our authenticity and authentic living. I know you feel in even your heart why the human life experience must be aligned with truth and purity and essence, why we must move ourselves towards this every day as we reveal more of those details to ourselves.

If we can agree on that, then it must be true and it must be acted upon.

This is therefore why I’m defining our boundaries right now, from this day forward, because I must set us free in the light of this great truth.

Money scarcity Jillian, we’ve tried it your way. You made a very compelling case and I wanted to believe in you. I wanted you to be right and bring us to glory. But you didn’t, consistently, always. Now it’s my turn.

Join me for this trip if you wish - your company is so welcome and always loved. I would be happy for you to enjoy yourself along with me, and I suspect that what I have lined up will delight you very much too. But remember that we will be doing things differently. I am completely in charge, wherever that may lead us, and we’re doing everything I love and nothing I don’t.

In other words, simply, you’re going to have to trust me, completely. If you don’t feel you can, or you don’t want to - there are no hard feelings. You’re free to make that choice. Either way, this trip is set and I’ll be going on it, with or without you, and I’m going to have a damn good time.

If you want to come, be Here, right Now. You should only really need one small backpack - yes, one, and yes, small - with your essentials (toothbrush, underwear, vitamins, the usual) and that’s it. I’ve booked a bunch of flights with Wizzair and you know how stringy they are with carry-on. And that’s it. It’s that simple. The only thing left is to jump on the plane and enjoy.

What do you think? You up for it?

By the way, Money is also joining me - us, if you come - big time. When I mentioned you might join, They told me to send you Their love. They also told me They’ve lined up a ton of magnificent surprises and I can’t wait AT ALL because you know They know our tastes SO well. Ugh, what a glorious, wonderful, extravagant being - incredible friend. They inspire me daily. We’re really blessed to have Them by our side.

(And guess what? They specifically wanted me to tell you, “In case it matters to you, I’ve already forgiven you.” Smile, baby :) There will always be so much for you to enjoy.)

Think about it. You’re precious either way.

I love you.

Always yours,

Jillian Joy